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On the up & up

If you’ve ever bought an up & up product (Target’s store brand), you’ve probably noticed that they feature brief, cute, and sometimes clever descriptions on the packages. For instance, their nail polish remover says, “Delete & Repeat” on the bottle, and their dishwasher tabs say, “Dynamic Dissolvers” on the box. I’ve always wondered about those phrases. Is there just one person who writes them, someone who sits in a cubicle all day and cranks them out? Or is there a team, kind of like the creative department on Mad Men?  And how does a person get a job doing this?

I recently discovered that not all up & up products contain these little descriptors. For the most part, it seems like it’s their more, uh, personal products don’t have them. I think I am just the person to provide that service for Target.

Tampons: Monthly Mirth or Go with the Flow

Powder Laxative: Smooth Move

Lice Shampoo: Lice, Lice, Baby

Nicotine Patches: Stick It to Kick It or Cigarette Segue

Acne Treatment: Zit Zapper or Pizza Face Preventer

Vaginal Anti-Itch Cream: Hoo-ha Ahhhhh!

Anti-Diarrheal Tablets: The Runs Aren’t Fun or The Trots Aren’t Hot

Gas Relief Tablets: Mute Your Poot or Flatulence Fix

Adult Diapers: Pants Protector or Incognito Incontinence

I feel certain that Target will be calling me with a job offer any day now.

 

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