“A day at the beach” This is supposed to mean something is easy or fun or happy. However, if you have small children, going to the beach is anything but. If it’s just you going to the beach, you throw a towel, some sunscreen, a book, maybe some adult beverages into your bag and you’re good to go. Take small children with you and you have to add more towels, plus swim diapers, assorted snacks, juice boxes, wipes, sand toys, sunblock, water wings, goggles, and floaties. Forget about chillaxing in the ocean breeze because you’ll be watching your kids like a hawk in case one of them goes out too far in the water. You’ll constantly be asked for something to eat or drink while fielding complaints that the water is too cold, the sand is too hot, and the beach is too boring. As an added bonus, you’ll be cleaning sand out of your car for the next five years.
“A walk in the park” You won’t be walking, my friend. Instead, you’ll be pushing someone on a swing, holding someone up to reach the monkey bars, and removing mulch from someone’s shoe every three minutes.
“Sleeping like a baby” Babies sleep? Really? No one told my kids this.
“Soft as a baby’s bottom.” Um, ever heard of diaper rash?
“A piece of cake” Have you ever seen a small child eat a piece of cake? You’ll spend more time cleaning up your kid afterwards than it actually took to bake and frost that cake. And the sugar rush that follows is just dandy, too.
“Icing on the cake” More like “icing in my child’s hair.”
“Don’t cry over spilt milk” Yes, you absolutely will. Especially when your kid dumps an entire cup all over his just-changed clothes and/or your couch.
“A penny saved is a penny earned” Until your kid swallows it.
“Mum’s the word” When “Mum” (or “Mom” or “Mommy”) is the word, ain’t nobody being quiet.