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Epiphanies of stupidity

A few days ago, The Bloggess posted a list of crazy, embarrassing things that people once believed were true.   Not surprisingly, I could identify with many of those misguided notions.  It was a nice feeling, knowing that there were other people out there as dumb as I am.  For everyone, though, there comes a time (hopefully) when you realize that what you believed is actually completely wrong.  My friend Trina calls these moments “epiphanies of stupidity.”  Here are some of mine:

Water polo doesn’t involve horses, mallets, or a ball.  It’s nothing like regular ol’ polo at all, actually.  So why call it that and confuse a girl?

Roy Orbison wasn’t blind.  I didn’t know this until I was almost 30.  I mean, why else would he wear those dark glasses?  Maybe Ray Charles wasn’t blind, either.  Now I’m wondering about Stevie Wonder and the possibility that there’s some kind of music business conspiracy at work here.

Women can take showers and men can take baths.  When I was little, I only saw my mom taking baths and my dad taking showers, so I thought there was some kind of gender rule with this, kind of like how girls sit down to pee and boys stand up.

Those round, green things people hang on their doors at Christmastime are called “wreaths,” not “braids.” I have no idea why I thought this.

At church when the graduating seniors were presented with Bibles and the preacher said they contained a “blank check,” he wasn’t speaking literally.  Which explains why in the car on the way home, a frantic search of said Bible turned up empty.

Those concrete, ditch-looking things near interstates are not rest areas.  Why I thought this as a kid, I’ll never know.  Maybe it’s because 1) We rarely went anywhere or 2) If we did, my father wouldn’t stop until we reached our destination unless the car was on fire or someone’s head fell off (and even then it was kind of iffy).

Women can drink beer.  I was completely astonished the first time I saw a female friend of my parents drinking a beer.  Having only seen men drink it, I assumed it was something that women didn’t like the taste of or were forbidden to drink (which is really weird now that I think about it).

These aren’t mine (I swear!), but too good not to include:

  • A friend’s uncle thought that you should always push the “down” button before getting on an elevator–whether you were going up or down–because it had to come down to pick you up.
  • Thanks to this commercial, someone I know (whose name I will withhold to protect her dignity) thought that spaghetti grew on trees.  She was approximately 30 years old at the time (and clearly didn’t pay attention to the end of the commercial).

What are your Epiphanies of Stupidity?   Come on, I know you’ve got some.

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10 thoughts on “Epiphanies of stupidity

  1. Martin and I spent an hour laughing at the Bloggess’s post and all the comments! Let’s see…I thought a “lube job” was something sexual and I couldn’t believe they were able to advertise on TV and in the paper where you could get a good, cheap, quick lube job.

    Also, up until I read those posts I too believed that (a) the song was “Knights in White Satin” and (b) Roy Orbison was blind. And I’m 42.

  2. Until my early teens, I believed a set of boy/girl twins could be “identical” twins, despite the fact that there were OBVIOUS differences.

    I once knew someone who believed ham was a creation of the butcher, not meat from an actual animal. When asked what she thought the butcher “created” it from, she said “I don’t know but it’s good.” Side note: she was raised in a house with an Islamic mother and Christian father. She had never seen ham until she was in her early 20s.

  3. I think you were with me for a lot if mine. But the two biggies for me was when I realized why the Beatles spelled their name like that, and the a ha moment when I really looked at the numbers and realized why it’s called a 69.

  4. Ha to Sarah on the “lube job!” I’ll never think of a Valvoline visit the same again.
    I also had the beer one, and remember exclaiming “Women don’t drink beer!” during a family cookout with my parents’ friends.
    My “epiphany of stupidity” continued for years. I would read the TV guide grid and thought that “To Be Announced” was a TV show, like “Meet the Press.” It sure was on a lot!

  5. I thought jay walking meant crossing the street naked (naked as a jay bird). I couldn’t believe that was common enough for a law.

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