If Robert Stack were still alive, I would totally call him up and ask him to break out his trench coat so he could host a spin-off of Unsolved Mysteries called Unsolved Mysteries: Home Edition. I’ve got a full roster of mysteries that are just waiting for reenactments based on eyewitness accounts.
Case #1: Given that there is at least one inch of fur covering every single surface of my house, why are my cats not completely bald?
Case #2: Why have my oh-so-quiet dishwasher and vacuum cleaner gotten progressively oh-so-louder?
Case #3: Speaking of vacuuming, why do I suck at it (no pun intended)? Even with a fancy Dyson—which I shelled out big bucks for because I thought it would help with my vacuuming ineptitude—a room I have just swept doesn’t look that much different than it did before I started.
Case #4: What happened to the commemorative t-shirt I got around 1994 at the Western Kentucky University-Eastern Kentucky University football game? I haven’t seen it since 1997. It simply vanished.
Case #5: Why do I always get tiny holes in the bottom front of every shirt I own? They all look like I tried to make a sieve out of them.
Case #6: Why can’t my daughter turn off a light? To my knowledge, she has never in her young life switched off a light when leaving a room.
Case #7: Why is it that moments after putting away groceries from a huge shopping trip, I immediately run out of something and have to return to the store?
As Robert would say, “For every mystery, there is somewhere, somewhere, who knows the truth. Perhaps that someone is watching. Perhaps. . .it’s you.”
UPDATE: (Please imagine Robert Stack saying that). Case #5 has been solved by reader Jenni. Apparently, the snap on my jeans is rubbing against my shirts as I’m washing dishes, cooking, or otherwise leaning against the kitchen counter. This results in tiny holes and means that I should immediately cease all kitchen tasks.