Last night my daughter was working on her homework. She had some assignment that involved current events or the news or something. I don’t really quite know as I’m a horrible parent and wasn’t really paying attention to what she was doing. She asked me to tell her about three news stories I had read or watched that day. I couldn’t really recall anything that stuck out for me, so I pulled up the history on my computer and discovered that these were the hard-hitting news articles I had read:
– “AMC Begs Jon Hamm to Put His Penis Away”
– “15 Hilarious Tweets about Jon Hamm’s Penis”
– “The Lululemon Sheer Pants Debacle Gets All Crisis-y”
– “Man Is Arrested on Burglary Charge After Falling Through Ceiling” (at a store filled with shoppers. Hilarious.)
– “33 Dogs That Cannot Even Handle It Right Now”
– “Snake Blamed for Burning Down Home” (because of a woman’s creative extermination method)
– “Bradley Cooper Sports Pink Curlers on Movie Set”
Since these were probably not what her teacher had in mind (and because I didn’t think a nine-year-old needed to know about Jon Hamm’s schlong) (and because I didn’t want her teacher to think I sit around all day reading about Jon Hamm’s schlong), I did the only thing I knew to do. I told her to ask her father.
I have no idea what stories he read yesterday, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t involve see-through yoga pants, funny dogs, or dicks. I guess we’ll find out when she gets the assignment back. Or when the school calls.