I sometimes dream about TV shows that don’t exist. Which is unfortunate since the world will never know my creative genius. These are just a few of the hit shows that won’t be coming to a TV near you anytime soon (or ever):
Fire Brigade A reality show that follows the trials and tribulations of a group of firefighters in London. There’s plenty of danger, action, and suspense as viewers go along on calls and see up close what it’s like to fight a fire or respond to an emergency. Plus, there’s romance, turmoil, and tragedy as we get a peek inside the private lives of the men and women who risk their lives.
Syd and Nancy A flamboyant, has-been rapper (think Flavor Flav) named Syd learns that he is the beneficiary of a tycoon’s billion-dollar fortune. But there’s a catch: In order to get the money, he must take care of a cantankerous, eccentric octogenarian (think Billie Bird). Hijinks ensue.
Winnebago! It’s crucial that there’s an exclamation point in the title because this show is all about fun! and adventure! and more fun! A reality show/game show in which a group of people travels around the country in a—you guessed it—Winnebago facing all sorts of crazy challenges. The winner gets his/her own Winnebago. Get it? You “win a Bago”!
Tiny A series that documents the diminutive. From the world’s smallest park (Portland, Oregon’s Mills End Park) to frogs no bigger than your fingernail to itty bitty books, this show is big on small.
But wait! I not only create new shows, I also have great ideas for ones that are real. To wit:
Portlandia After deciding that the bed and breakfast business isn’t for them, Peter and Nance instead embark on turning their home into a prison. In his trademark stammering, anxious way, Peter explains that a lot has changed since he and Nance started running a prison, most notably that the kitchen is now devoid of all utensils, save plastic spoons, and that the backyard is simply known now as “The Yard.”
Somebody get me a meeting with a network executive!